Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm back!

Sorry guys for the delay - I've been very busy with school and studying as well as having a hard time sleeping and getting up.

It was my birthday Sunday! I just turned 18. I feel as if the responsibilities are coming very near, except those that come already. I was busy from the birthday, as well. I had a good one though.

My schizophrenic symptoms are getting worse as well and I'm seeing my therapist today. I probably need to get a bigger dosage of my medicine. My paranoia sets in a lot, but I can control it better now with the medication. It also keeps me motivated but there is still that unmotivation. The medicine basically helps me control my symptoms, but not eliminate them. It did for a while. My anxiety is controlled, as well as sleep (sort-of), social problems, paranoia, racing thoughts, etc. It feels good.

I should have blogged this weekend. You guys would have heard me at my weakest. But I feel better now. I haven't gone to school in 2 days but I prepare to go back tomorrow.

I'm really grateful for a lot of you guys comments. Some were really motivational, others very helpful, and others very caring. Thank you guys for supporting me, and if I could help somehow, I would. It really helps that people care about me and my disorder. Thanks for reading guys, this will be the end of my post for now as I have a lot of homework. I feel as if this post has a lot of gibberish, what do you guys think?

Also, I have a question. How do you guys get yourself to bed every night? I keep getting calls to go somewhere, or I keep finding things to do. I can never get in bed in time therefore I cannot go to school! How do you guys do it? I have this crave to do more and more!

46 comments:

  1. Hey, I've just came across your blog following a link on a youtube video. I'm currently doing research on attitudes towards schizophrenia for a psychology dissertaion. I've learned a lot and I think you desrve to be recognised for living with such a difficult disorder. Keep it up mate, you're doing great!

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  2. I completely agree! :) btw - this is the person that wrote on your last blog entry with all the weird numbers & letters haha

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  3. Anonymous,

    Oh I see, You can use this blog if you want! Thank you man, share this blog around if you want and can! Thank you!

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  4. Ally,

    Haha that's your name! Nice picture by the way, pretty stunning!

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  5. Thank you!!!! I hope you got a chance to read that article & watch the video on that page. Seriously though, this guy is so inspirational and he has learned how to succeed through all this stuff. And you can too!

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  6. Whenever I'm trying to motivate myself to go to bed, I just think about how warm and cozy it is under my blanket and how relaxing it is to just lay there :P Maybe this helps you, maybe not lol

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  8. Hmmm it's nice to see you're getting better, just one weak ago i started regaining normality after 2 years of dealing with schizophrenia and just one week ago I began to recover really fast with no medications at all and dedication and wisdom (unlike me though you should use meds :) ), so I'm pretty sure you'll be able to recover alot faster using meds just don't try to rely on them completely and try to relax and no matter what ignore all the crap inside your and try to do things yourself (without the help of the voices way of though etc..) without having to follow what the voices say, but at the same use it once in a while since its not like you'll get to do things yourself without your mind. XD Well At least that's what I did at least, anyways best hopes and, I hope you recover this truly is a disastrous disease. :)

    And about your question, well i guess i sleep fine even though since my mind is pretty distorted and it sometimes makes me feel scared for no reoson or at least get scared for non-sensible reasons.

    Though about your crave to do more and more, I had that too when my symptoms where out of controll, what I'm guessing the reason for that is that since your mind keeps on thinking and thinking nonstop it's as if you have the urge to keep on going and going, thinking non stop about certain stuff etc. It's weird though because when this happend to me i stayed up just thinking like crazy that I just couldnt stop eventually I would fall asleep thinking. :) anyways good luck bro I'm sure you'll be able to snap out of this sometime later, though I recommend you learn to take controll of those symtoms or at least understand them and once you do, do your best not abide them not freak out, because it's just your common sense, but gone bad, or more like taking control of you. Once you got all that start becoming independent from it as best as you can, and also while you recover from it try to fix problems in your life that mightve caused this or no matter what you do you wont snap out, be intelligent or wise even if you may not feel like so anymore even a little hope, intelligence and wisdom, and as well you'll need all three of these to help you recover without one of these you wont recover even with the strongest medicine, i say this also because many people try to solely rely on the medicine, but the truth is that to some it's good like to try to lower your symptoms but after that it's best you start becoming independent from them as soon as possible (start slowly) and once your ready use those 3 things I told you and little by you'll snap out of it, even a little is enough to bring you back to your feet. But then again you'll need to be brave and determined as well if you are to get through this disease. :) good luck :D

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  9. haha I'm sorry If my comment didn't make much sense, I'm still a bit confused myself. :)

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  10. Hello

    I have schitzofrenia as well, my started after I heard God from the roof inside my building. Ever since I hear voices, religious. They help me when I pray I say what they think. I think it's a blessing to hear voices, I'm really glad I hear them. I got Cisordinol 250 mg every third week. No side-effects, I'm fully normal, but I hear voices. Talk to God is important, let him know what you feel. Some of my voices hates me when I talk to God.
    Good luck, any comment on my comment let me know.
    kompakt_off (right to) hotmail

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  11. I must agree with the comment above, when you finally discover what the diesease is and learn not to fear but instead start using it for your own benefit, litle by litle you'll notice how beutifull everything can be. Just be carefull once you get to that position not only will you perceive everything (people, stuff, ideals, perspective on life ) differently than normall but the only thing you need to beware is attempting to snap out of position, you see once you get to that position it's more like you depend and are controlled by the voices(whatever you may call it), you see once you atempt to break free, you'll completly destroy the way you think and do stuff so it'll become extremely difficult yourself at the beggining of this process as you try to no longer try to use the voices or use that form of thinking anymore, it'll be extremely confusing and extremely hard from thereon. Though if you go through that process you'll notice that around when you start recovering things will be alot better than with schizo, you'll way of thinking will start reverting back to normal, everything. But if you were to coexist with the diesease that way you should wise enough to break free from it but if you decide make sure your ready and have a just reoson for, but then again thats if you decide to do so.

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  12. Any ways good luck to all you guys in dealing with this and sorry if by any way I sound rude or disregardful i'm still putting myself back together so cant exactly think quite well soo yea ><

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  13. Wow! I am so glad that I found your blog! I am a complete advocate for you and others who have mental health problems! I am so glad to see that you can do this and that your psychiatrist is urging you to inform others about yourself.
    If you need help going to sleep this is what I always do... I turn off the tv and listen to quiet music, I put my cell phone to charge (AWAY from my bed). And then I read or just sit on my bed and think. It really calms me down and that usually helps me fall asleep quicker.
    I will DEFINITELY be checking your blog a lot! Take Care and I hope you know there are others out here supporting you!
    -Allyn.

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  14. Out of curiosity, when you guys hear these voices, do you hear them as a sound in the environment, or are they all in your head?

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  15. i believe the best way to get to bed on time is to set an alarm. not for waking up, but for going to bed. if you haven't already, speak with your therapist about a sleeping aid. i currently take the generic version of ativan (lorazepam) and it works very well. it clears thought process, helps you realize you need sleep, and it helps with getting 8 hours of sleep. i would start by setting an alarm at midnight, and slowly work it back so that you're not too sleepy in the morning. eat healthier, don't eat too close to bedtime. giving yourself a bed time isn't easy but it helps a whole lot.


    top priority if youre having trouble getting to school is set as routine in order. bed by midnight, go to school, hobbies/social activities until dinner, followed by relaxing activities to prepare for bed. easier said than done, but i hope it helps


    Michael

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  16. Hope you had a wonderful birthday, I would hug you if I could right now. (:
    I don't think it's gibberish so much as just telling us your thoughts, getting your thoughts down, which is not a bad thing at all, good thing in fact, I'd think.
    Hope you do better than you've been feeling..
    As for sleep, I have a lot of trouble with it, personally. I would just say "let one of your alters take control!" ; But I don't think you have what I have. xP. I discovered recently one of my alters can sleep at 11, which I could never do no matter how hard I tried, heh.
    "Try to go to the doctor for prescribed sleeping medication or find home remedies or even off the counter ones."
    Not much into meds - they make me nervous. I tried tea before as a natural remedy to help me sleep but it didn't work at all.
    "Do you have schizophrenia too?"
    It's probably developing. I have several other things I'm pretty certain I have, but I'm only just now getting to go to a therapist. DID, some more dissociative amnesia, and manic depression(Bipolar I) if you're curious. In a few years, my schizo, if it really is that (the hallucinations and such - hearing and seeing things), may become a bigger problem.
    "How did you defeat your disease or how is the battle?"
    I have not yet defeated anything, I don't think. Most of mine make me lose memories - Lose a lot of things. DID is actually rather nice, I would never WANT to get rid of them (only two so far, three including me). Manic depression (or Bipolar I) ; is something rather difficult to 'beat'. My manic moods get me pissed off or just annoyingly hyper, my depressive moods at their worse make me want to kill someone. Everyone. Don't give a shit, don't wanna move, don't care about you or anyone else. Also I get catatonic because I don't have the willpower to deal with people.
    A general hatred of the human race doesn't help things, either.

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  17. Ally,

    Yes it did help! THank you a lot!

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  18. Grennan, I did the same and it worked amazingly.

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  19. Everyone else, I'll reply to your comments later! I got a busy day!

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  20. Eezy and Anonymous,

    I must agree with you two. That path of accepting seems like the best for me. There's indeed been times where it helped me out and I can agree. Thank you for your insight and advice! I will try that path now. Thanks for commenting guys. Dont worry, Eezy, everything made sense. Thanks for the passion guys.

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  21. Allyn

    Oh really? Awesome that you found me, or rather I should say us! It's nice to meet you. Hmm, reading sounds like a good idea as well as quiet music. Thanks for the info! Thanks for the comment and love!

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  22. Greg,
    I don't know, I don't get voices.

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  23. Michael, I believe so. I just started trying out ambien and it works perfectly. Thanks for the advice on food.

    I will definitely try out that schedule. No later hanging out at a certain time, and some time to relax. I got you. Thanks buddy.

    -Jacob

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  24. Scare,

    Haha thanks :)

    Thanks! I hope it isn't gibberish. Yeah, writing out is a good thing. I am doing better actually. Alters huh? Sounds like I know what you mean, though I don't get alternative personalities (if that's what you mean). But that's something to think about. I see. Me, myself, I have sleep aid. I just got prescribed and I like them. Oh I see. Just keep fighting the battle. Damn, I used to get bipolar mood swings and shit too. Keep up with the meds.

    A general hatred doesn't help either too. A lot of people are dumbasses, but you just need to meet the right cool people. You'll know when you meet them honestly. I'm glad I did.

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  25. Hey, I found your blog through a YouTube video. I'm enjoying your posts, actually. It's true that writing your thoughts out really helps a lot, especially when you've got people to share it to! I'll share your blog to my friends too, and to my brother. He's a psychiatrist and he always encourages me to read about things like this :)

    Wow, we're just the same age! :D And about your question, well, I honestly don't know. Haha. I'm always tired from school anyway, but what I do is that I make sure I finish the important things first so I don't have to worry about anything when I get ready to go to sleep. Then, if I don't have homework or anything, I just lay down and read a book or just clear my mind off things :)

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  26. Claudine,

    Oh thanks a lot for reading and sharing to your friends and brother! Thanks!

    Haha really? I just turned 18 actually. That's true, just gotta force yourself to do it. Sounds like a good plan what you do :)

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  27. hey listen to me here!!!what u are experiencing is some demonic possession!!what you are hearing is all due to the demon trying to control your thoughts!"!you need to go to a god or a deity or angel to get rid of it beforebit controls u entirely and make u kill people and then suicide!!!!!trust me i swear to god its some demonic possession!!!!go google search schizophrenia demonic possession!!!!!!!!!

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  28. i know it because i have the experience!!!!whtt i recommend u is to go to countries like singapore where there are taoist deity trance and let the god get rid of the demon or spirit in u!!!u got to do it fast before the demon totally controls u!""!

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  29. i totally know how u feel now. i dunno if the spirit or demon is murderous or not but u must have thought of being cruel to yourself like starving youraelf to death or kill everyone in the world then kill yourself or do whatever things;i know u may feel that you cannot experience love anymore or that u do not have feelings and are cold-blooded. it is the demon!!!i swear!!!i dunno if thats ur case but for me it was.save urself now!!!you have got no more time to lose!!i am only 16. you may also feel like you have lots of strength and are like in a ragw or something...that i dunno. watever it is, it is up to no good. remember try to control urself as much as possible. learn to betray your mind now cos it is mainly up to no good!!betray ur mind and force ur way to a temple with deities. u will be saved. i have affinity with u. i wish u good luck. im from singapore.

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  30. ermmmm TJH do you happen to say that because a person hears voices which are in fact not there? Well if that's the reason, in reality the voices are not a separate being of such sort, or any of that sort, it's more like a inner reflection of your way of thought. And just because something is not want it to be or something you cant see it doesn't automatically signify it has a satanic relation. -_-*

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  31. TJH,

    I don't get voices. I have paranoid schizophrenia that is developing. Thanks for your input though.

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  32. EEZY,

    You're correct! I believe they reflect your inner thoughts, such as dreams.

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  33. no it is "voices" but in fact u may think its ur own thoughts. its the demon trying to pass the thinking into ur brains dumbass!! whatever. its up to u. i also not going to care much

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  34. u dun listen to me, you are screwed for life...until u get reincarnated. good luck!

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  35. would u rather listen to a guy with no experience or a guy who has worse schizophrenia than u and recovered overnight??think abt it. i dun know u but i have tried to help.u. the rest is up.to u

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  36. TJH,

    No, my schizophrenia doesn't have voices. I do hear things, but I never hear voices or my thoughts or anything. Sometimes I hear a vibrate or beep as if it's my phone. But that's all.
    Thanks though.

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  37. well ive had schizophrenia for 4 years TJH >:P.

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  38. But then again everyone has a unique way of doing stuff TJH so what may work for you might not always work for others but maybe it will who knows it all really depends on the way that a person handles it...:)

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  39. i ment 2 years >< hehe but still tjh >:O

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  40. Thank you, and hope your doing well Khron1c :).!

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  41. well i can help u guys cure your schizophrenia. up to you guys to listen to me or not. the cure is only one step away...it's whether you all want to take it or not. i also dun want to see you guys deatruct and self destruct. if u dun believe me, there's really nothing i can do.

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  42. EEZY,

    You'r welcome, and I am, thanks!

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  43. TJH,

    Okay, thank you anyway man.

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  44. Yep friend, you're doing great. Open minded and open hearted of trying to speak up what's on your mind is thefirst best step to get better. I know you, I mean we, can do it and help you go through this hard part. Just keep trying and think positively, no disease without no medication :). But if you don't mind, can you tell me whats your problem that make you really depressed? Cause I'm a medical student who wants to learn this case. Oh, btw Say Hi from Indonesia yah

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