Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Happy Holidays guys!

How was your Christmas and Christmas' eve?

Mine have been really good because I have no stress from school. I've been doing nothing but relaxing and my symptoms are very much less.

(Schizophrenic facts : Did you guys know that? Not necessarily a cause of schizophrenia, but you can consider becoming unstressed a treatment of schizophrenia. Eliminate the stress in your life and you'll realize there are less schizophrenia symptoms. Try it seriously. There are many schizophrenia types and I have paranoid schizophrenia (well that was the diagnosis), and it works for me. Just my 2 cents.)

Again, it sucks being schizophrenic in the family. I get this little special "attention" and "treatment" like how they would treat kids that have downs syndrome. I guess they just don't understand what is schizophrenia, and what low stage I am on in. For me, it's mostly delusions about believable serious and unbelievable unserious things and vice-versa, paranoia, social anxiety, some bipolar, depression, things that i do that some say are weird, when i've done it my whole life so i guess it could be schizophrenic.

But enough of that! Christmas! How was it guys? What did you get from Santa Claus haha? I got some gifts, 60$, 30$ gift-card, pajamas, a longsleeve shirt, 3d tv accessories, and baked goods. What did you guys get?
I had a good time despite the little special treatment I receive from my family. (we all met up for Christmas dinner.) I had fun with them. What about you guys? What did you guys do?

Sorry for the inactiveness. It's just the holidays are coming and I have a lot of shopping and hanging out with family and friends to do.  I'll make another post before New Years, but if i don't I wish you guys all a happy new years and let the year bring us all wealth, happiness, friends, and ease, especially ease in the people with schizophrenia disorder. Love you guys all for supporting me, until next time!

P:S, I almost forgot to mention. At a party I talked to someone (a friend's friend) and ended up telling them I was schizophrenic, and they told me that his friend at the same party was schizophrenic. Well long story short, we talked for a long time (good to connect with other schizophrenics) and told me about this e-book he was reading.
He said he overcame it better with the book.. He was telling me how unmotivated he was before and uncommitted and didn't even want to read the book, but he eventually got through it. He was really talking good about it and I could go on endlessly talking about it and recommended it to me. If you guys are interested, because I am, then go ahead and buy it. It's safe. I'm going to order one too. But take note, this isn't magically going to help your schizophrenia. You have to be patient and work HARD, that's what he said. He said it's not an overnight cure. If you can, spread the news about this. If it can help someone I know who has almost full blown schizophrenia, I believe it can really help us or benefit us all in one way or another. I'll let you know how it goes when I order one, I'm short of a little money. The weird little link is here:

Check it out, whoever wants to read it with me should buy it too. It seems interesting.

Thanks for the read guys. Comment below about the holidays or about this new book! Love you guys.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Hey guys I'm back on the blog.

Sorry for no recent updates. How are ya'll doing? I'm doing good now that I have winter break. School is out the way which means stress is out the way, which really helps with my symptoms. You guys should eliminate stress, regulate sleeping habits, and regulate eating habits, even if your not schizophrenic!

I'm doing really good which means not a whole lot to say.

But I like to take this time to learn more about my followers. So what's up guys? I know all your names, but where are you guys from? How old are you guys? What attracts you to my blog? Do you have loved ones with schizophrenia and how are they doing with it? Tell me about yourself! Hobbies, interests, etc?

As for me, my name is John. I just turned 18. I've developed symptoms since 15 or 16, and they've been getting strong since mid-late 17. I'm from California, USA. My real dad which I have no contact with might have schizophrenia or something with delusional disorder, which is probably why I have it. My interests are the typical for those my age, which is just hanging out with my friends to eat or smoke or drink, a whole big interest in music, literature, and history, sports (though I don't regularly anymore), gaming on the computer and sports gaming on consoles, socializing, meeting new people, and philosophizing, a big hobby of mine. What about you guys?

Tell me about yourself!

Monday, December 12, 2011

What's up everyone? How was your weekend?

Hey guys! What did you guys all do this weekend?

I had a great weekend of some studying but mostly getting out of the house. I found that socializing and keeping myself occupied helps me with my symptoms. Studying has my mind travel a lot! I haven't been to school in 6 days :/. But I'm trying to go tomorrow. What I'm planning to do is drop out of high school and pick up independent studies (basically you work at home). I feel like I'm losing pride and giving up on the battle by not going to high school and trying to graduate the high-school-way, but I guess it is the same thing? It both has the same outcome, and I really feel like independent studies will be easier for me. But I feel like I'm giving up. What do you guys think? I have SO much work to make up because I haven't been to school in 1-2 months, it's VERY stressful working each day sun-up to sun-down every single day and studying and reading as well. I have 3 AP (advanced placement college-level) classes so that adds up a lot. What do you guys think I should do?

Choice A) Take independent studies to graduate by working at home going once a week to turn in and pick up homework. Will graduate. Easier route, don't have to try as hard. More time to relax and perhaps get a job. Less stressful. Reason behind doing this: I want an easier route if the outcome is the same, and I can focus on getting a job early.

Choice B) Continue high school and make up A LOT of make-up work, sun-up to sun-down for about 2-3 weeks on top of the normal homework. Will graduate. Harder route, will have to try really hard. Completing a hard task is good. No time to relax and get a job. Very stressful. Reason behind doing this: I want to say I completed high-school and want to complete a hard task. But it will be hard and I don't know if I'm 100% up to it.

Remember that I have no friends at my high school, only 2 that I am not close to. My other close friends go to other schools. And most people are kind of retarded at that school.

What do you guys think I should do?

On another hand, so how was your guys' weekend? Anything fun? Do anything productive?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I'm back!

Sorry guys for the delay - I've been very busy with school and studying as well as having a hard time sleeping and getting up.

It was my birthday Sunday! I just turned 18. I feel as if the responsibilities are coming very near, except those that come already. I was busy from the birthday, as well. I had a good one though.

My schizophrenic symptoms are getting worse as well and I'm seeing my therapist today. I probably need to get a bigger dosage of my medicine. My paranoia sets in a lot, but I can control it better now with the medication. It also keeps me motivated but there is still that unmotivation. The medicine basically helps me control my symptoms, but not eliminate them. It did for a while. My anxiety is controlled, as well as sleep (sort-of), social problems, paranoia, racing thoughts, etc. It feels good.

I should have blogged this weekend. You guys would have heard me at my weakest. But I feel better now. I haven't gone to school in 2 days but I prepare to go back tomorrow.

I'm really grateful for a lot of you guys comments. Some were really motivational, others very helpful, and others very caring. Thank you guys for supporting me, and if I could help somehow, I would. It really helps that people care about me and my disorder. Thanks for reading guys, this will be the end of my post for now as I have a lot of homework. I feel as if this post has a lot of gibberish, what do you guys think?

Also, I have a question. How do you guys get yourself to bed every night? I keep getting calls to go somewhere, or I keep finding things to do. I can never get in bed in time therefore I cannot go to school! How do you guys do it? I have this crave to do more and more!

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Hey Guys, Sorry

Sorry I haven't made a post in a while.. I've been so kept up with homework and I've been so tired during the day due to irregular medicine and sleep usage.. So I don't have much to say.

But my symptoms are getting worse. Before, I was full on schizophrenic and at times I would be very into it. Now, I feel as if parts of me are, and parts of me arent. The parts of me that are, however, are stronger than before. This is a concern.. I need to see my therapist. But at least I feel motivated and my social anxiety is gone. I don't have much to say right now, because I am tired and have work to get to then I need to rest for a big day tomorrow.

I hope everyone has had a good day. I'll be going now. I'll love to chat, so comment below if you'd like to talk, but I don't have time for a post! See you guys later and thank you for the views!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Hey! Fourth Post

Hey guys.

Today I had a really bad start. I couldn't sleep last night due to some racing thoughts and I couldn't wake up for school on time, so I didn't go today. I felt super lazy, super un-motivated as I was very tired, but I pushed myself. Unfortunately I didn't push myself much. I didn't do much of anything productive today, but at least I am sleeping early at this time, and did few school work. Whenever I oversleep like this, I just have the most laziest, hangover-like feeling. I keep sleeping and sleeping and am so immersed in my dreams one after the other. This is why I have missed uncountable days of school. Do you guys ever get this? The feeling of hangover after oversleeping and/or doing nothing all day? The mental state where you just keep wanting to sleep over and over for some reason? Or making bad decisions such as staying up even though you know it is a bad idea?

But I am doing better. I feel good right now, bought a few things for Cyber Monday and some Black Friday things coming in. I bought a gaming mouse, a mousepad, some earphones, and some clothes. What did you guys do on Black Friday/Cyber Monday? Hope it all worked out for you guys.

I'm going to go sleep now. This was a rather quick update and post, but hope I'll chat with a few of you guys. See you later!

P.S. Hmm, I'll decide to say this too to get it off my mind. I feel really bad because my group presentation has been delayed 3 days already due to my repeated absences.. I feel as if everyone looks down on me. My teacher even asked me if I was sure I wouldn't be absent anymore. I feel really bad and feel like I disappointed people. This adds on to why I can't sleep at night.

Another thing is I'm broke right now so I borrowed some money from my mom for Black Friday shopping and Cyber Monday shopping. But I asked for another 25$ for a set of earphones that are discounted 75$ off, but she went through this speech and I believe almost teared. She sounded like I didn't know what I was doing, that I was spending money like crazy, that I was telling her I would pay her back but probably would never find a job, etc. It just hurts that my mom cannot trust me or lend me money. I feel bad almost asking for just 11$ (I ended up not buying those earphones as they ran out of stock) for these other earphones discounted 45$ off. But I am borrowing money, that is all. It's the holidays right? What do you guys think about this? Am I doing anything wrong? She complains about me not going to school or finding work yet, but I told her I'm going for an interview this weekend. I guess the best thing to do is to PROVE her I can pay her back by getting the job and paying her back everything huh? Damn, that sounds like a perfect idea. That helped get a lot off my shoulders, my mind, and my chest. What I'll do is pay her back and show her, rather than talking about doing it and worrying until then. Time to just borrow these 11$ from her, I think she'll be okay with that.

Thanks for listening again guys, much respect.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Hey Everyone - Third Post

I'll start off saying Happy Thanksgiving and Black Friday everyone! Hope you all had a good one!

I want to say something to get some things off my mind, and perhaps ask you guys a question.
I'm not sure if fellow schizophrenics can feel the same as me, but it's very hard to concentrate. I get these racing thoughts, whether they be paranoid delusions or not, and its very hard to focus on school work. I can't find a remedy for this besides smoking cigarettes, which is a remedy for a lot of my schizophrenic symptoms. Sadly I've fallen into addiction. It's very hard to quit, and when I do quit, my symptoms cannot be handled as well despite the medicine I am taking. I try to read a book for class but I am thinking about a hundred things at once, it is very hard for me to focus in school right now.

I was once a smart and academic student. I've taken some AP classes and usually passed years with B's and A's. Now I have a few F's and I am truant for attendance. I'm on the verge of dropping my harder classes. I just want to ask you guys, what do you guys do to focus on something? How do you guys focus on a task you guys do not want to do? I'd rather not google this because I want experience from real people, especially people who suffer from the same or similar diseases as me.

Man, writing this out really did take some stress away to be honest. It's marvelous how writing can help someone out. I would recommend you all to start a blog, but obviously most of you do have a blog already. If not, try it out. It REALLY gets things off your mind which helps you handle stress and anxiety (something I have a lot of).
But that's all for now, I have a busy day with a lot of schoolwork. Thanks for reading this and thanks for any recommendations you guys have. I'll be on my way now, everyone have a good Saturday!

Friday, November 25, 2011

Happy thanksgiving!

I am making a rather quick post. Happy thanksgiving to you all! I hope you guys enjoyed your day.

As for me, I did good today. Being around family, that although doesn't support me, kept my mind quiet. I felt like the odd one out or the black sheep. "hey I heard you have mental problems.." hurt. But all in all, I had fun.

Im thankful for a lot of things, and you guys should be thankful for not having a condition such as me, but I am thankful it won't get any worse.

Thank you to all, I hope you ate up, and get ready for black Friday shopping!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

First Post

It's 12:57 AM right now. Just took one of my Abilifly. I thought I'd make a post to start off and see if anyone does care, and I guess either way I can feel better saying what's on my mind.

Right now I'm about to sleep but I'm addicted to cigarettes so I'm up. I started smoking cigarettes because I read that it helped schizophrenia, and, at times, it does. I would go outside to have one then fall asleep but I'm too paranoid right now. I have a lot of enemies and even though I'm positive they will not happen to show up by the main road where I smoke, and even though I'm positive no one will probably hurt me (I bought a pepper spray to feel a little less paranoid), it still drives my mind crazy. I look over my shoulder and I can't really control it. When I go home, all I'll think about are ghosts and robbers. It's safer if I just stayed inside, and that's what I'm going to do. Writing this helped reinforce my decision. It's a battle with every-day-things with schizophrenia. I am taking medication and just recently got a bigger dosage so I'm not the best right now. I have been much worse, but now I'm better. For example, I probably would have went outside, had an episode, had crazy racing thoughts, and couldn't fall asleep until way later.

Damn, writing it out does help. It's crazy, for any of you with problems or things on your mind writing it out does help. I remember when I had a close friend and I talked to him out about some problems I have with my enemies who are out to get me, and it made me a whole lot less paranoid.

Well, thanks for listening if anyone did. I don't know where I can find views, but if you read it could you at least drop a comment to let me know someone read it? That way I can be actively talking to someone about my problems on this website and I can work my way to defeat schizophrenia. Also, if anyone with schizophrenia needs any questions or advice, I'll try my BEST to answer them.
Thanks again. Have a good day.


Hey guys. I am not asking for donations for my medicine or any of that thing, but just someone to hear me out and maybe talk to me. Let me first introduce myself. My name is John and I'm a 17 year old boy. I have been and currently am receiving medication for schizophrenia for a little on a year, but have been battle schizophrenia for over a few years.  I'm not going to be blogging about my day, but about things that come to mind about schizophrenia, episodes, or my past and on-going struggles.

I made this blog to do a two things.
First of all, I want to talk about my problems openly. My psychiatrist said to find people to talk to. Sadly I lack the close friends and family, so I hope I can attract some people towards my struggle with the world. Most of my friends think I'm weird after I've told them what goes on in my life every day and night. And A LOT of my friends have just happened to stray away after I had the talk. I just want people to hear me out, because it really does help me.

Second of all, I want to reach out to every kid or adult that is beginning to get schizophrenia to believe that together we can defeat this mental disease. Hopefully those under full-blown schizophrenia can do the same. Perhaps my fellow schizophrenics can understand that we all have a beautiful mind and we can do what we need to do if we focus on it.

Thanks to all, and if you are not interested in reading or talking to me, can you at least spread it to someone who does? Again I'm not asking for money. Thanks guys for your support, concern, and love.